I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
