You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
