my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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