thus making me awesome and them whores
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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