My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize