I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
