in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize