As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
