Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
