Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
