I think I won the penis lottery.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He is an equal opportunity slut.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
