Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize