Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
