I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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