I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
