I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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