there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
