Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
