No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
