Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
