it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
