Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
