i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
