I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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