I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
