woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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