yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
