I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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