It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize