my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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