I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
