I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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