The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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