Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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