DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
