Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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