there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
