just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
