I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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