just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
