I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
