According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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