Apparently you make a good broom.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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