I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
