ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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