Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would fuck him just for his dog
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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