Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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