all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
