I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
