Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
