Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's the barista slut.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
