You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Found your dick twin last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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