Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
