peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
