I hate your face
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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