We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
