Sry I called you an 8
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
