I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my being single is dangerous.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
