the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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