I faked an abortion last night.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
