matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
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