I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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