you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
