I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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