The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
