I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
