thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
