I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think my mom watched the whole time
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
