The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
