Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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