If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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