And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize