i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
