3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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