So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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