I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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